Thursday, December 23, 2010


First, a rant explaining this article's brief history. Here's what I was told by the editor of SCG when I submitted this.

"Hi Matt,

Unfortunately I can not consider this article for publication because it does not meet the minimum length requirements. Even if I could consider it, I would unfortunately have to reject it as it lack the strategic content and/or storytelling that is required of Premium articles.


I would be happy to post this as a bonus section in a real article, but I would not be able to post a slightly longer version of this. 

All the best,



I foolishly thought when I signed up with SCG that they understood that I sometimes write in the niche of stupid bullshit that goes viral and people love and doesn't include strategy. How fucking stupid do you have to be to pay someone to bring eyeballs to the website and then reject something that likely goes viral, gets linked to on people's facebooks and twitters, AND generates a discussion and possibly outcry to bring back team formats. Drafting With Mongoloids: Scars Draft #452 is fun and all, but guess what, you can post that link AND MY LINK. Added value.


Stepping back into the general policy… A minimum length requirement means you don't trust your editor or your writers. I can make a quality article that's under 3000 words, I'm sure of it. If not, the editor can just say this needs to be longer or just reject it if it's clear the author mailed it in and is just trying to collect a check. "But Matt, a bright-line rule is just better, it saves everyone time and the writers know what is required of them." Ask a 7th grade English teacher if minimum length requirements will keep people from blowing off the assignment and/or save anyone any time. The teacher will probably say yes because 7th grade English teachers couldn't find a Dixie coonskin with an Ohio hooker holding their prick and showing 'em the way, but you get the idea.


"But Matt, SCG wants the premium content and the website in general to be about strategy and storytelling, not humor that generates laughs and hits." Fine. Keep catering to the 2% of premium subscribers who press hard in every forum for "one size fits all" articles that no one loves and no one hates. God forbid you post something that gets 85 Facebook "Likes" (which links on FB) and 15 comments saying "this isn't premium content herp derp."




Saying I "want" or "would like" a team limited (trios) PT or GP is kind of like saying Ken Krouner "likes" survivor.

My first success on the PT was 17th at a Team PT in 2002. I had a chance to knock out Kai Budde (and with him Phoenix Foundation and their streak) in a feature match on day 2 and set my team up to win-and-in and make top 8, but I folded under the bright lights like a cheap chair meeting Marco for the first time.

But it's not just my own sentimental desire to relive that punt. So many people would love to play team limited trios again. When I asked Luis Scott Vargas if he'd like the format to return, for example, he said " I would be more excited to play in a Team Trios (Limited or Constructed) Grand Prix than in any tournament they could possibly announce, regardless of location or timing. I mean a Pro Tour would be even better, but I'd take a GP."

Something as minor as one U.S. team limited Trios Grand Prix would go a long way, and would be a great barometer for the interest in and health of the format. If a PT was added as a bonus to 2012, a fifth pro tour in celebration of some milestone worth celebrating (is that the 15th PT season?), that would be ideal. If it had to be half constructed, fine. Team Limited with day 1 team sealed day 2 team draft is too great to pass up though.

Is it a logistical nightmare? Maybe at the GP level, but so is every GP, and I doubt the added burden on the TO is that tremendous.

The upside is huge. These events were fun and in a way that normal Magic can't really capture. If you're lucky enough to make a national team, you can kind of play teams, but you don't get to pick your team. Picking who to go to battle with and then seeing if you can work together is what Teams is all about.

IF YOU WANT WOTC TO BRING BACK TEAM LIMITED (TRIOS), SAY SO IN THE FORUMS. Say why, and say how badly you want it. Maybe someone is listening, who knows.

Now for the fun part. For what follows, I've assumed that WotC brought back the Team Limited Trios Pro Tour. I take a guess at some teams that might show up, suggest a team name for each, and predict where they would finish.

Matt Sperling, Gabriel Nassif, Paul Rietzl

Name: 3rd Nut and 2 Annoying Americans

Let's start with the prohibitive favorites - barring a Phoenix Foundation or Huey Brock and Linde reunion. Nassif is Nassif, he's won a team PT, and he captains the ship. Rietzl and I are very fundamentally sound despite his underconfidence and my overconfidence, and we both have Team PT experience as well. Money drafting and testing together a lot doesn't hurt. Is it possible we lose? Sure, anything's possible.

Prediction: 1st.

David Williams, Eric Froehlich, Conley Woods

Name: Team Barnage-a-trois

DW and Efro barn Conley for his fun decks, Conley barns them back cuz they're DW and Efro, hence the 3-way barnacle relationship. Just three barnacles adrift at sea attached to each other instead of to a ship, whale, or rock.

Prediction: Efro and DW and any third is a very powerful limited team, if they somehow wrestled me from Rietzl's bosom we'd prob win the whole thing. With Conley, they finish top 32.

Guilaume Matignon, Guilaume Wafo Tapa, [French dude]

Name: Team Gui are the Champions

Prediction: miss day 2. Strong challengers in a constructed team PT, and perhaps here as well (Wafo has a limited PT top 8, they've both done well at mixed PTs) but I'm not feeling it.

Tomaharu Saito, Katsuhiro Mori, Marcio Carvahlo

Name: '19 White Sox

Prediction: DNP (suspension)

Tom Martell, Owen Turtenwald, Cedric Phillips

Name: Team We Each Thought We'd Be Able to Find a Better Team

Good players, nice guys.

Prediction: T-dead last.

Anthony Eason, Christian Calcano, Ashanti

Name: Twinz (

My theory about Eason and Calcano is that long ago there was a really big version with deathtouch and lifelink, and someone killed it, and out sprang Eason (deathtouch) and Calcano (lifelink).

Prediction: Eason somehow makes the US National Team even though that isn't an available prize. 2-5

Mark Herberholz, Dirk Baberowski, Jelger Wiegersma

Name: Wedge Antilles

Prediction: DNP (coach's decision)

Paolo Vitor Nacho Doritos, Brad Nelson, Luis Scott Vargas

Name: Paper Tiger

On paper, a devastatingly awesome team. An easy parallel is the 2010 Miami Heat, and the "decision" interview with Tristan Humphrey or whatever his name is would be just as awkward.

Prediction: This team would have less chemistry than Ellen DeGeneres and Bill Pullman did in this classic: Still, talent is talent, so they make day 2 but only min cash.

Josh Utter Leyton, David Ochoa, Martin Juza

Name: Rich Hagon's Wet Dream

Prediction: a web and wrapter team makes the third man the default captain since they could pull a good pro and would both shrug lock that person into the captain seat. I like their chances though, as two great role players is a natural setup. Lack of experience with team limited keeps them from the top 4. They finish 5-8th.

Ben Stark, Luis Scott Vargas, David Ochoa

Wait, just in case this ever actually happens, forget I suggested this team and hope along with me that they go with PV LSV Fffreak and Wrapter Web Juza.

Gerry Thomson, Michael Jacob, Patrick Chapin

Name: Thank God this is Limited

If it was Team Standard, a format we once had, this team ranks among the elite teams. It isn't.

Prediction: 3-3.

Matt Nass, Gerard Fabiano, Tom Ross

Name: If I didn't call your name….

Prediction: DNP (not qualified).

Olivier Ruel, Antoine Ruel, Raphael Levy

Name: [French term meaning Has-Been]

Prediction: 2-4

Shuuhei Nakamura, Yuuya Watanabe, Yuuta Takahashi

Name: Extra U for Value

Prediction: a lot of pointing to yourself to indicate no blocks and play first after the die roll, then a quiet top 4, losing in the semi's.

Sam Black, Gaudenis Vidiguris, Brial Kowal

Name: Team Yawn

Prediction: unknown, nobody checks the standings to find out where they ended up.

Ben Swartz, Noah Swartz, Michael Flores

Name: PTQ Winners Edison NJ

Prediction: DNP (family emergency).

Zvi Mowshowitz, [Someone who would let Zvi run the show], [another person who would let Zvi run the show]

Name: Wikileaks couldn't access my draft strategy

Interesting issue comes up here, what does it take to qualify a team? How many combined pro club levels? If it's 5, the Hall of Famers can pick their squad and play. If its 6+, they might not be able to play if no one will team with them (Comer) or they want the sole share of the glory so badly that they pull two people off the street to play (Zvi). I think 7 combined levels sounds reasonable but I'm open to other suggestions. A nice bonus here is that it makes levels one and two relevant and makes level 3 a little juicier as well.

Prediction: T-dead last.

Bram Snepvangers, Randy Buehler, Alan Comer

Name: Hall of Shame

Prediction: even if voting is incorportated into the PT and their friend's votes count for double, they still miss day 2.

Tim Aten, Tommy Ashton, Stephen King

Name: Aten needed a team and couldn't locate a time machine

Prediction: T-dead last.

Chris Pikula, Jon Finkel, Bob Maher

Name: Too Big Time To Actually Show Up

Prediction: DNP (Big timing) - if they actually showed up, they t32 - if they practiced a lot then showed up, hell freezes over, then top 4.

Mike Turian, Aaron Forsythe, Dave Humphries

Name: Champions Challenge!

Prediction: 23-1-1 (in gunslinging matches).

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Scars of Kamigawa

Tomaharu, the Winding Game State

(the next two courtesy of Tim Aten describing legendary money draft soft spot Matt Abrams)

Iwamori of the Open Wallet

Kami of Empty Pockets

(end of Aten’s contribution to this post/society)

Talim, Toilets Clogged

Geddes, the Shaking Fist

Marco of the Flattened Chair

Chapin, the Legend of Bagger Pants

Kobe of the Five Rings

Aten of Running Cognivore

GerryT, Small Stakes Specialist

Heezy of the Burning Stream

Brothers Lalague

Mesothelioma, the Dark Lung

Clegg, the Never-ending Draft

Friday, November 12, 2010

Momir Basic against Tim Aten, for AJ

AJ and others have gotten on my case for never updating my blog. I got to thinking, what do other people who are too lazy to write something creative do? And then it came to me, VIDEO!

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Why MUD is Bad: Angles of Attack

People really got worked up in this thread about Chapin “bashing” shops.

I agree with Chapin’s assessment of MUD/Workshop decks being “bad decks,” but not for the reasons he gives in his article.

MUD is weak, but not because it isn’t as powerful as the other decks. I think MUD is just as powerful as the other decks in Vintage. Unmolested, it will win the game very often, and it is redundant enough to easily survive mild forms of disruption like a Force of Will from the opponent or a Nature’s Claim turn 2. If people didn’t play hate cards like Tygon and Hurkyl’s, MUD would be the best deck. By the way, make no mistake that these are hate cards, if Workshop is restricted, people won’t play these cards. (Chapin says you run into hate “incidentally” because artifacts are popular, but the cards like nature’s claim aren’t what really gets you, it’s the Trygons and Hurkyl’s that are out there which really hurt).

What makes MUD weak is that it only attacks on one level, or angle of attack. That is to say that MUD puts a bunch of artifacts out, and something that stops a bunch of artifacts is going to be good against it, no matter which particular cards the MUD player has chosen to play. I would group things into “angles of attack” not by what they are, but by how they are stopped. Thoughtseize and Spell Pierce aren’t really the same angle of attack, but they might be in a context in which Chalice of the Void for 1 was a common defense to your deck. As with anything else, our definitions need to be flexible a bit, but we can still gain from the concept of “angles of attack.”

“Lots of artifacts quickly” is MUD’s only angle of attack. This is a particular kind of weakness, one of many potential types of weakness. That is to say, I’m not suggesting that decks be “measured” by the number of angles of attack they present. In fact there is often a tradeoff between “# of angles of attack” and “redundancy/consistency.” If we add Jaces to our Shop decks, we increase angles of attack (we now can win with our Planeswalker strategy) but at what cost? The answer is “a cost too great to bear.” The Shop deck will need to change it mana significantly to support Jace, or even a much easier backup plan like Tarmogoyf. Once we are playing Jace or Goyf, the whole concept of putting a Sphere of resistance into play is less enticing.

Thus, I’m also not necessarily suggesting that MUD players have built their deck incorrectly. It may be that their best chance to win with Shops is to choose 1 angle of attack (artifact lock pieces) and go all-out.

Here’s an important thing to keep in mind: a deck with only one or two angles of attack needs one or both of these conditions to be true:
1) people are unprepared to defend themselves against that attack and/or
2) your deck is so strong along that angle of attack that even prepared opponents will not fare that well against you.

If you play a deck with 1 angle of attack, and people expect that attack, and have the tools to fight back, you are fucked. I messaged Ochoa and others about my desire to put Trygon into my blue decks months ago. Others felt the same way (Pikula and perhaps Ochoa, independently, before I sent the message). There was a tool out there so strong at defending blue decks against Shops, that once Shops were feared (MUD decks were doing very well in several places), all it took was that fear instilled in someone who knew how to “solve the problem.” The weakness of the Shop decks was demonstrated at GenCon this year.

Say what you want about Shop decks in the abstract. The fact remains, a good player who wants to beat you will beat you, regardless of who you are. The same can’t be said of Tezz or TPS. You can’t take a reasonable deck (i.e. a deck that maintains percentages against the rest of the field) and just add 5 cards and all of sudden dominate Tezz or TPS. Furthermore, lets say you find that 3 Remora 2 Mindbreak trap in your blue deck really does make you crush TPS, TPS will have a much easier time adapting to the hate than MUD will have against Trygon, for example. TPS might already incidentally be prepared with some transformational Trygon+Bitterblossom/Goyf board plan (Like I’ve used in Ad Nauseum in the past). The blue decks are more flexible, and have access to additional lines of attack whenever they need them.

This is why I didn’t advocate playing Shops at GenCon, even though I respect the Shop deck generally. All I need to know to determine whether I want to avoid playing Shops is this: “Are people expecting a lot of Shop decks to show up?” If yes, I’m not playing Shops. If no, we turn to a host of other questions. But for GenCon, the one question would have sufficed.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

"What would happen if you could travel back 10 years and tell yourself one thing about Magic?"








Monday, July 19, 2010

A conversation with Patrick Chapin

The Magic Show had Patrick Chapin on this week, and it was a great episode. I had my own conversation with Patrick via text message that I thought was worth sharing.

Patrick often cites "The Universe" as if it were some entity and not simply a category of things somewhat equivalent to "the set of all things." I'm a reductionist, so I don't find it helpful when someone brings up categories that are too broad to be useful. "The Universe wants you to _____" is meaningless. More generally, "The Universe ______" is a sentence structure that is unlikely to contain any useful information to anyone not studying or discussing the cosmos. Could I be misunderstanding what Patrick and others mean when they say "The Universe"? Sure, but that's the problem, if you mean some subset of the Universe such as a local environment or some collective consciousness, don't use the broad label. Don't speak in the form "Animals _____" when you wish to discuss only Golden Retrievers.

If I didn't think Patrick was smart enough to know better, I wouldn't bother. But I do, and I did.

Here's what I sent to Patrick via txt message:

"If you ask someone where to look for something, the answer 'everywhere' is as useless as no answer at all. So I ask you, where should I look for truth?"

I was hoping to illustrate the relationship between specificity of language and its utility. People understand this concept when it comes to giving directions, so I figured I'd use "where do I look?" language as a cue.

Here is what Patrick responded with:

"Everywhere. :) seriously."

I smiled when I received that text. He knows where I want to go, but he isn't interested in going there himself. Well played.

I've spent tens of thousands of words having the same conversation with others (most notably my own mother), and I think it says a great deal about my relationship with Patrick that we managed to understand each other (at least as much as is possible given our dispositions) in 1 txt each.

Still, despite his conciseness and stick-to-itiveness, I can't help but think that Patrick, just like my less concise mother, walks around trying to navigate a wilderness using a globe instead of a map.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010


Some individuals have said my last blog post crossed the line. Each of those individuals is a braindead idiot who, when he or she occasionally understands a joke, can’t take a joke. Still, maybe I can post something just for them. To those who enjoy Magic humor, but not insult comedy, here is a partial spoiler for my new expansion:

Creature – Cat
Cuteness 4 (Creatures deal no damage to this, any player may pay 4 to remove this ability until end of turn).
If Kittens is equipped with Mittons, it gains Cuteness 2. (Cuteness abilities are cumulative).

When Cookies comes into play, destroy target He Who Hungers or Famished Ghoul.
Sacrifice Cookies: Gain 2 life.

Cookie Jar
T, sacrifice Cookie Jar: each player exiles his or hand face down and then searches their library for any number of cards named Cookies. At end of turn, each player discards their hand and returns all cards exile this way to their hand.

Choose one: Counter target Thirst for Knowledge, Thirst, Cankerous Thirst, or Necromantic Thirst OR; if you control Cookies, take an extra turn after this one OR; untap target Kittens.

Cookie Monster
Creature – Muppet
Cuteness 2
At the beginning of your upkeep, sacrifice a Cookies or tap Cookie Monster and lose 2 life.
Sacrifice all Cookies you control: Cookie Monster gains +2/+2 until end of turn for each Cookies sacrificed this way. Cookie Monster does not untap during your next untap step.

Santa Clause
Creature – Jolly Saint
Sacrifice a Cookies, discard a Milk from your hand: Santa Clause gains +3/+3 until end of turn.
0: Choose a toy you own from outside the game, if you haven’t cast any black spells this game, put it into your hand, otherwise put a Charcoal Diamond card into your hand.

Baby Turtle
Creature – Turtle
Cuteness 4
Hatchling 3 (Baby Turtle comes into play with 3 time counters on it. At the beginning of your upkeep, remove a time counter. When it has none, it loses Cuteness and becomes a 1/4.)

Anne Hathaway
Creature – Angel
Cuteness 40

Thursday, July 8, 2010


I’ve just gotten a bunch of spoilers for an upcoming Magic set. I guess they’re combining regular Magic with the appeal of those “Pro Player” inserts they used to put in starter decks. Anyways, the set looks pretty sweet so far. I didn’t have time to put any commentary, just wanted to get you the spoiler ASAP. Enjoy!!

Luis Scott-Vargas
Creature – Master
Put a durdle counter on Luis: put a 0/1 Pun token into play.
Put a burdle counter on Luis: win target tournament.
Having pun yet?

Mark Rosewater
Legendary Creature – Master Designer
T: put 8,000 words onto the stack.
Whenever a green spell destroys a creature, a blue spell deals damage, a white spell draws more than one card, a red spell gains life, or a black spell destroys an enchantment, sacrifice Mark Rosewater.
Reporter: So you’ve been working on the game for over 15 years, spending hours and hours every week thinking about and playing Magic, and yet you still aren’t any good at it?
MaRo: Well, I’m ok, but not very good, no.
Reporter: So it must not be the kind of thing smart people get better at over time, right?
MaRo: No, it is.


Aaron Forsythe
Creature – Developer
As long as Aaron is in play, Enchant Worlds named Power Creep cannot leave play.
T: target creature gains +2/+2, but its converted mana cost remains the same.
Ask only whether we can print this card at this cost, not whether we should.

Stephen Menendian
Creature - Human Troll
Protection from Rationality
When Stephen comes into play, search your library for a card named Circular Logic and put it into your hand.
0: Put a pie chart or graph into play, this token has no abilities.
T: Target Troll gains +2/+2 and is indestructible as long as Stephen remains tapped.

Cedric Phillips
Creature – Human Gamer
T: Change the mode of target spell. (Ignore any targets of previous modes and select new
targets if appropriate).
“His deck selection is even worse than his taste in music,” said Oona. “Impossible,” replied Ajani.

Conley Woods
Creature – Human Rogue
When Conley comes into play, exile your library and replace it with target deck from the Casual
(Anything Goes) room. Flip 3 coins, if they are all heads, you win the game.
“They probably won’t expect Chandra Ablaze.”

James Gates
Creature – Ginger
(Gingers have no soul).
When one million teenage girls play a song, put a copy of that song into James’ iPod.
Making my way downtown. Walking fast. Faces pass and I’m homebound.

Matt Nass
Creature – Human Rookie
At the beginning of each phase, mention that you won a GP playing elves.
If you ever win another GP, target Hell’s temperature becomes 0 degrees Celsius.

David Ochoa
Creature – Human Gamer
Can block creatures with flying.
Evil played Lightning Bolt…-wait what are you saying?...- my opponent cast a Lightning Bolt…-Oh, ok. Go on.

Patrick Chapin
Planeswalker –Innovator
+1: You may reveal an instant card in your hand to all players, if you do, search your library for a card with the same mana cost and put it into your hand. (mana cost checks types and amounts of mana in the cost).
0: Draw 2 cards, then put a card from your hand on top of your library.
-2: Take an extra turn after this one.
Loyalty: 3

Brian Kibler
G, Discard a card: Target creature gets +2/+2 until end of turn.
G, Sacrifice Brian: Target creature gets +2/+2 until end of turn.

Creature - Human

Jamie Wakefield
Creature – Human
At the beginning of your upkeep, if the cards you own in all zones add up to 62, you win the

Mike Flores
Legendary Creature – Writer
At the beginning of your upkeep, put a Has Been counter on Flores unless any player says “Never Was,” in which case put a Never Was counter on Flores.
As long as Flores has a counter on him, he is 0/5.
Tap an untapped Good Player you control, that creature becomes equipped by any Deck attached to Flores, and wins target tournament.
"Anderson Verejao is better than Kobe Bryant." -Mindless Null

Brian David-Marshall
Creature – Coverage Artist
T: reduce the utility of target deck tech segment by 50%.
Those who can’t play, judge. Those who can’t judge, do coverage.

Lan D. Ho
Creature – Filmmaker Gamer
Protection from Hipsters
No Pants are too small to equip Lan D. Ho.

Todd Anderson
Creature – Grinder
If Kali Anderson isn’t in play, Todd counts as the best player from that Marriage.

Osyp Lebedowicz
Creature – Master Dancer
If Osyp is the target of a Dance-off, destroy all other targets of that Dance-off.

Gerard Fabiano
Creature – Human
If Gerard becomes equipped or enchanted by a Catch Phrase game machine, it may not be removed from him until the end of the game.
Is his success at the game inspiring or depressing to those who wish to succeed but also would like to believe skill is involved?

Paul Rietzl
Artifact Creature – Beast
Sacrifice an Artifact, put a +1/+1 counter on Paul.
When Paul attacks, he acts like he sucks, but he deals the normal amount of damage based on his power.
Zoo with Punishing Fire? Thanks for the offer, but Nassif said I can borrow his Affinity deck so I’m all set.

Paulo Vitor Dama Da Rosa
Creature – Master
T: Overstate every position you assert in any article, but win enough and be generally correct enough that it doesn’t matter.
After watching the World Cup, PV is happy the good Dutch pros quit the PT.

Legendary Creature – Master Deckbuilder
When Zvi comes into play, exile all female creatures.
"I thought I was alone on the PT until I met Zvi." –Cackling Fiend

Money Draft
Remove all money counters from target Master.

Steven Birklid
Creature – Alaskan Curler
If any opponent’s graveyard contains a card named Incinerate, sacrifice Steven.
Sweep a broom in front of target rock: until end of turn, target hobby seems like a reasonable way to spend all your free time.

Evan Erwin
Creature – Community Organizer
0: Name a card from the new set you believe will be a chase rare. That spell will not be a chase rare.
Those who can’t play, judge, do coverage, or write, do webcasts.

Mark Herberholz
Creature – Alcoholic
T: destroy target liver.
0: ignore target lack of consent.

David Williams
During your upkeep, flip 15 coins. If you win every flip, you gain 4 million life.
T: gain control of target barnacle.
"<3 DW" –YD

Sam Stein
Whenever you flip a coin you may flip two coins and choose one instead.
Tap Sam and an untapped Matt Sperling you control: win target money draft.
Sam may not be sacrificed to hypothetical effects that cure cancer.
“If I found out my opponent's 2 year old daughter had cancer and the only cure was me NOT winning the PTQ, lets just say I hope she likes chemo, cuz I came to win.” – Someone (wink) pretending to be Sam Stein on a message board.

Number of Pro Tours Hydra
Creature - Avatar
NOPTH comes into play with 5 Pro Tour counters.
At the end of your turn, if your life total is 5 or less, remove a Pro Tour counter from NOPTH.
At the end of your turn, if your life total is 20 or more, and NOPTH has less than 5 counters on it, add a Pro Tour counter to it. (this last ability was removed the card just before printing)
Best year ever for MTG, let's leverage this into more multiplayer box sets!

PTQ Judge
When any player requests a ruling, flip a coin, the winner of the flip wins the ruling.

PT Judge
When any player requests a ruling, flip a coin, the winner of the flip wins the ruling. Call the head judge on appeal.

Team/2HG Pro Tour
Legendary Artifact
0: put a Vote for Return counter on Team/2HG Pro Tour. Any player may play this ability.
When Team/2HG Pro Tour has thousands of Vote for Return counters on it, ignore it.

“Dude, I have a family”
If you would lose the game, instead your opponent concedes. Opponent may choose to ignore this card’s effect.
I didn’t let you take back that attack, but you’re asking me if I want to concede? Hmmm, maybe the answer is over here on this result slip, lemme take a look…

Elder Dragon Highlander
Enchant World
When EDH comes into play, the game is a draw. Each player reveals his or her library to all other players, discusses how cool their deck is, and has a good laugh.
Isn’t this a better version of Magic than playing “net decks”?

Adam Yurchick’s Mom’s Vagina
Destroy target land.

Tom Martell
Creature - Ex-Lawyer
T: choose a stock, pay 5 life, flip a coin, if you win, gain 6 life.
If Matt Sperling is in play, Tom Martell must attack each turn if able.
Obscurity, awkwardness, incompetence, a Jedi craves not these things. -Yoda.

Megan Holland's Cupcakes
Artifact - Equipment
Equipped creature gains 10 pounds.
Equip 1

Legendary Land - Island
When Curacao enters the battlefield, exile all Dutch, German, and Broke Pros as long as Curacao remains in play.

Las Vegas
Legendary Land - Desert
At the beginning of your upkeep, you gain 2 life and 1 poison counter.

Average Person Who Comments on My Articles
Creature - Zombie
"They groaned, they stirred, they all uprose, / Nor spake, nor moved their eyes; / It had been strange, even in a dream, / To have seen those dead men rise." -Samuel Coleridge, "The Rime of the Ancient Mariner"