Wednesday, July 14, 2010

New Set UPDATE.

Some individuals have said my last blog post crossed the line. Each of those individuals is a braindead idiot who, when he or she occasionally understands a joke, can’t take a joke. Still, maybe I can post something just for them. To those who enjoy Magic humor, but not insult comedy, here is a partial spoiler for my new expansion:

Kittens
WG
Creature – Cat
Cuteness 4 (Creatures deal no damage to this, any player may pay 4 to remove this ability until end of turn).
If Kittens is equipped with Mittons, it gains Cuteness 2. (Cuteness abilities are cumulative).
2/1

Cookies
2
Artifact
When Cookies comes into play, destroy target He Who Hungers or Famished Ghoul.
Sacrifice Cookies: Gain 2 life.

Cookie Jar
5
Artifact
T, sacrifice Cookie Jar: each player exiles his or hand face down and then searches their library for any number of cards named Cookies. At end of turn, each player discards their hand and returns all cards exile this way to their hand.

Milk
WWW
Instant
Choose one: Counter target Thirst for Knowledge, Thirst, Cankerous Thirst, or Necromantic Thirst OR; if you control Cookies, take an extra turn after this one OR; untap target Kittens.

Cookie Monster
UUUU
Creature – Muppet
Cuteness 2
At the beginning of your upkeep, sacrifice a Cookies or tap Cookie Monster and lose 2 life.
Sacrifice all Cookies you control: Cookie Monster gains +2/+2 until end of turn for each Cookies sacrificed this way. Cookie Monster does not untap during your next untap step.
2/4

Santa Clause
RRRW
Creature – Jolly Saint
Vigilance
Sacrifice a Cookies, discard a Milk from your hand: Santa Clause gains +3/+3 until end of turn.
0: Choose a toy you own from outside the game, if you haven’t cast any black spells this game, put it into your hand, otherwise put a Charcoal Diamond card into your hand.
5/6

Baby Turtle
2U
Creature – Turtle
Cuteness 4
Hatchling 3 (Baby Turtle comes into play with 3 time counters on it. At the beginning of your upkeep, remove a time counter. When it has none, it loses Cuteness and becomes a 1/4.)
0/1

Anne Hathaway
WWWWWW
Creature – Angel
Cuteness 40
4/4

13 comments:

  1. Not funny except for the Anne Hathaway one.

    I was expecting cards based on you GerryT other people you forgot Random Punks (best MOR card obv) etc. =/

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  2. I have not unfollowed somebody on twitter so quickly...

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  3. Agree with anon above. Even less entertaining than the last one, and simply not funny. I'm also tempted to stop following all people who retweet this.

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  4. I'm sure they'll be heartbroken.

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  5. Lol I can tell that the people commenting on this above are the EXACT people you made this for.

    Idiots.

    As far as requests, I think you should do an update of the original one with other people you didn't mention... But whatever.. Either way.

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  6. Also doing a contest for submissions on Various Magic Pros/Authors/Personalities would be pretty funny I imagine.

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  7. okay, the cards about the pros were entertaining, but what exactly are we supposed to be laughing at here?

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  8. I think the dating comments were hilarious and not in the worst taste ... at least you left the victims err umm the girls names out

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  9. I don't know how I landed here, but...whatever this is I'm kind of laughing. For shits and giggles: I have a kitty and a cookie. Both magically delic...taste?

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  10. I'm new and possibly ignorant to twitter. I (LolaSunday) was your last post. My apologies....I really have no clue how I got to this post, but you are a funny man Mr. Matt. I am here to learn; proceed with the cholophyll

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  11. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  12. What's up with all the dickless fuckers leaving comments to the effect of

    " I have not unfollowed somebody on twitter so quickly..."

    Oh noes! An anonymous fuckwit is no longer following me on Twitter, whatever shall I do? What a blow to my ego.

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